~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~
Book V: Interview With A Succubus
The Succubus sat in the moonlight, sensuously licking Natalie Bolton's blood from her fingertips. She enjoyed the smooth, metallic tang of the lesbian's blood, the smell of which mingled delightfully with the pungent smell of the ocean lapping at her feet.
It was a special night, indeed. Six of the pathetic humans had died already, meaning that the game was already one-third over. Where had the days gone?
As the Succubus reflected on the game, it occurred to her that she had done rather little in terms of actually explaining her gameplay to the enraptured audience. Though Succubi require no justification for their actions, Hellyse supposed it would probably prove useful to let the production team in on exactly what it was that she was planning, lest some half-wit make the spurious accusation that she hadn't been playing the game properly.
Sucking the last droplets of blood from her moon-dappled skin, Hellyse slid from the rock, and headed off in search of the production team, intent on providing a personal interview.
---
"Hi, Elyse! Welcome to the interview."
"
Hellyse."
"Say what?"
"You said my name wrong. It's not Elyse, it's
Hell[/color]yse."
"No, it totally says 'Elyse' right there at the bottom of the screen. See?"
"Ex-
CUSE me? I think I know my own name. Do you like have a deathwish or something?"
"Uhh..."
"It's like this, Probst. The last time an interviewer pissed me off I force-fed him his own skull. Got that?"
"Wait, is that even physically possible?"
"You really wanna find out?"
"Alright, alright, calm down. Nobody needs to eat their own face. I'm sorry I got your name wrong."
"You should be."
"Okay, then, Hellyse, let's get started with the interview. So, tell me, who do you like most on Mahtava?"
"What are you talking about? We just had a tribe swap."
"Yeah, I know, but let's pretend you're still on Mahtava, because you had spent like three days planning out this interview and getting all of the right screencaps and everything, only to have the jerks who run the game pull a tribe switch on you before you got to post it."
"Hmm. Good point."
"Well, as you may have noticed from the subtitles, I have a boyfriend. Actually, I have several. Thanks to murdering Natalie, I'm not the only girl on the tribe, which is pretty much perfect, because it pretty much guarnatees that I won't get voted off."
"Why's that?"
"Because I'm hot and guys are horny."
"Good point. So what's your plan at this point?"
"Well, my plan to stab all of the guys in the heart, like I just did to Ozzy in this picture. Usually they're so busy fantasizing about having sex with me that they don't notice that I've killed them until sixteen minutes after they're dead."
"Hold on a sec."
"Sixteen minutes? That's kinda impossible. You know that, don't you?"
"You know they're never going to find your body when I kill you, right?"
"Moving right along, who would you say is your number one ally?"
"Well, not gonna lie, I'd have to say that none of these morons is my number one ally. Judd is talking to the other tribe, Brandon had a final two with Osten, Skupin is talking to the other tribe, John lives halfway across the world, and Alex is barely online. So my number one ally is me."
"Makes sense. So what's your plan going forward?"
"Well, my plan is to vote Skupin off next. We'll have to blindside him in case he gets an idol. After that, if we lose again, I think it's time to smack Judd around. I know he thinks he's got the game in the palm of his hand, and I'd like nothing better than to kick him and Brandon in the balls. I've been working on convincing John to pledge his loyalty to me, and only me, so I think I could totally pull that off."
"But what if there's a tribeswap?"
*eyeroll*
"Seriously, though."
"I'll put on a fake smile like this, and pretend to be happy about it."
...
"Then I'll do a little sexy dancing for them. That always works."
"Even if they're chicks?"
"
Especially if they're chicks. You'd be amazed how many people are lesbians and don't know it."
"Say..."
"No. I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no. Pervert."
"Come on, you can't
really know what I was thinking."
"Did it involve me and Julie smoking a peace pipe?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Sicko."
"We are
so breaking up."
"Wait, Julie, it's not like that! ...Wait, how did you even get here!?"
"I brought her. See now why you never screw around with a Succubus, Jeff?"
"Alright, you win. So, any thoughts about the tribe switch?"
"What a @#$@#ing #@$y piece of @#!$@!!"
"And how'd you feel about getting bamboozled on the idol?"
"$%#@#@$!!"
"Ohh-kaaaaay... And with that, I think that we're done here. It's been... umm... nice talking to you... I guess."
"Hey, wait a sec, why am I even hosting this interview? I'm not even hosting this
game!"
"Oh, right. See, Lex and Brett knew that I tend to kill anybody who interviews me, so they had you brought in."
"Aagh! There's something on my leg!"
"What the hell? It's a fire ant! I'm covered in fire ants! They're crawling up my shirt!"
"Yeah, about that. I originally thought I'd seduce you and then let you shag me until you died of exhaustion, but then I thought this would be more entertaining. I'm gonna take a nap now, but if you're still alive, we can continue the interview later. G'night."
"AAARGH! AAAUGH! AAGH! AAAAAAH!!"
---
[/center]
And so the interview ended. Of course, the next day Fate wound up being a vengeful little ninny again, and Hellyse found herself stuck on a tribe with four women (five if you counted Michael/Michelle), which promised to make things a good deal more challenging. No matter, though. Things were finally about to get interesting...
~ Glossary ~
"pungent" - Smelly.
(e.g. "Ted isn't allowed to grind me anymore. He's too pungent.")"spurious" - False.
(e.g. "When he saw Hellyse bathing under the waterfall, Bob's jaw dropped so far that his spurious teeth fell out.")"dappled" - Umm... good grief. I don't even know how to explain this one. It's making a fancy pattern, kind of like when you look up at the ceiling when you're at a swimming pool and the light is reflected off the water and makes all of these cool shapes and things.
(e.g. "Ashley's face was dappled with her own blood when Hellyse mercy-killed her.")"force-feeding someone their own skull" - It's not physically possible to do this. Unless you're a Succubus.
(e.g. "Hellyse force-fed Osten his own skull for trying to molest Parvati instead of her.")"bamboozled" - Getting fooled.
(e.g. "Hellyse wasn't actually bamboozled by the suspicious mound of dirt, but whatever fool found the fake idol she planted sure was.")"shag" - Have sex with.
(e.g. "If you shag a Succubus, you will have the best sex of your life. Then you'll die. But it's totally worth it.")"ninny" - A bitchy, whiny little thing.
(e.g. "John Cochran is a ninny.")
