Chronicles of Hellyse: Slayer Of Sausages

[Elyse Mmmmemoto]

Damn.

That title sounded so much more badass in my head, but now that I'm reading it, it's kind of... not. It's almost... GOODass.

Anyway, hey there. I'm Elyse. Or, should I say... Hellyse. Welcome to the story of How Elyse Dominated Sausage Island 2.

Or...

~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~

BOOK I: Birth of a Succubus

Our story begins on an island. Comprised of sausages. Freudian Phallic metaphors aside, it's probably actually shaped like a sausage. Except it isn't. This just goes to show that cartographers are totally full of crap.

Eighteen Americans stand upon the beach, planning to have a enjoyable, drama-filled time as they compete against one another for a million dollars in pretend money. But, little did these pathetic humans suspect that one of them was not, in fact, human. They were, in fact... a Succubus.

It's worth mentioning at this point that if you don't know what a Succubus is, you should look it up. I'm not going to explain it. That's right. I'm that evil. And I'm only going to get more evil as the game goes on, so you'd better get a deck of cards and deal with it.

Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes. One was a Succubus, more powerful than any of them could ever hope to be in their wildest dreams. These mere mortals were fools to trifle with such a powerful otherworldly being, but the Succubus would humor them. Indeed, when one routinely does battle against the likes of Poseidon and the Valkyries, doing battle against the likes of Michael "Porkbane" Skupin and Natalie "Fish Lips" Bolton is practically a cakewalk. Besides, what need has a near-immortal creature for a million dollars? That which the Succubi truly desire cannot be bought for the whole globe. Besides, should a Succubus ever require earthly riches, the glittering towers of Wall Street house an endless supply of lusting businessmen, willing to pay the world and more to fill the chasm of their ever-increasing lust.

So, if not for the money or the challenge, why then should such a powerful being stoop so low as to participate in farcical microcosm of human existence? Well, Succubi like to have a good time as much as anybody else, and sometimes it's nice to simply wreck the shit of a bunch of unsuspecting innocents just because you can. Vlad the Impaler unwound by stabbing peasants and letting them bleed to death slowly, and this particular Succubus enjoyed seducing hapless bystanders and making them do her bidding. Succubi are strange like that. You're not a Succubus, so don't question it.

So, this Succubus took on the form of a nubile young American Indian girl, and carefully clothed itself in personality traits designed to lure in hapless lustful castaway. Bonds would be formed, jokes would be told, inabilities would be faked, giggles would be giggled, egos would be stroked, and puppy dog eyes would be made, all as an artfully-crafted facade, prompting the targetted victims to expose their vulnerabilities, and invite their own destruction. Every one of the seventeen would die, swallowed up in the Succubus' irresistible charisma and charm, their useless pathetic lives comprising a meager sacrifice to her might and power.

Thus begins the tale of Hellyse, the girl who played the emotions of men and women as a virtuoso plays the violin. Manipulation was her bow, emotions her strings.

Let us play the opening notes...

~ Glossary ~

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Book I; Chapter I[/b][/center]


"Freudian Phallic metaphors" - Dick jokes (e.g. "Robin Williams tells a lot of Freudian Phallic metaphors.")

"cartographers" - People who draw maps. They're full of crap. (e.g. "Yesterday I ran over some cartographers with my motorcycle.")

"Succubus" - I already told you I'm not telling you what this means. Get a dictionary. (e.g. "Hellyse is a Succubus. She's really fuckingawesome.")

"fools" - Everybody who isn't a Succubus. (e.g. "I'm surrounded by fools!")

"Poseidon" - Who Jathoneus wants to be when he grows up. (e.g. "After defeating Poseidon at checkers, Hellyse uses his trident as a back-scratcher.")

"Valkyries" - Viking battlefield janitors. (e.g. "My couch is lined with the skins of 20,000 Valkyries.")

"chasm of ever-increasing lust" - Businessmen are horny. (e.g. "Thanks to Bill Clinton's chasm of ever-increasing lust, we had to see Monica Lewisnky on television fifty thousand times.")

"farcical microcosm of human existence" - A diorama. (e.g. "Jim had to make a farcical microcosm of human existence for the science fair.")

"nubile" - Sex-ready. (e.g. "Everybody is nubile after talking to Hellyse. Even deaf-mutes.")

"jokes" - Pretty much everything in this confessional. (e.g. "Anybody who hates this confessional doesn't understand how jokes work.")

"virtuoso" - Someone who's good at playing something. (e.g. "Hellyse is a Survivor virtuoso.")

[Boston Rob]

oh men

[Neleh Dennis]

[Big Ted Rogers]

OMG... very curious to see how Hellyse turns out... that speech was terrifying

[Elyse Mmmmemoto]

~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~

Book I; Chapter II

And so the games began. Note the plural - "games." Because, while the overarching pseudo-reality of Survivor was, in fact, beginning, this event was overshadowed by the commencement of the Succubus' game - which isn't to say that the Succubus only started her manipulation and deceit at the green flag. Perish the thought. Hellyse had, in fact, been slowly and insidiously creeping her way into the minds and hearts of the unsuspecting island folk for longer than they would ever know.

The first unfortunate victim succumbed to the Succubus' wiles before the sun had set on the first day. Feigning interest in such droll trivialities as scholastic prowess and favorite jokes, the Succubus slowly drew in the unsuspecting Judd, softly caressing his ego until he was intoxicated by her affections. Less than a day had passed before he was on his knees, swearing that his greatest pleasure would be to stand alongside Hellyse in the final two.

Hellyse's seduction of the young and pious Brandon was another story altogether. The young man's deeply-rooted commitment to his "marriage" (a laughably trite institution, based on mutual trust, loyalty, and purity of love, among other pathetic attributes) made him uncomfortable, if not openly hostile, when confronted with the advances of the sexually-charged women in the game. Though the Succubus' primary methodology could not penetrate his moral shielding, she could nonetheless seduce him via other means. Carefully chosen gossip about the whorish nature of the other girls, and bonding over favored Biblical passages (For of course the Succubus knew the scriptures. True evil requires full knowledge of one's opposition) caused the naive little Texan to make the foolish assumption that Hellyse liked him as merely a friend. The kind without benefits.

And so it went throughout the opening days of the game, in a manner far too repetitive to make for entertaining reading. Several hapless individuals made the pleasurable acquaintance of what they so naively assumed to be a pleasant girl, very enjoyable to talk to, very available to work with, flirty without being aggressive. She was also, it must be noted, assumed to be somewhat dim. Though the Succubus found it irritating and more than a little degrading to guise herself in the garb of a fool, she nonetheless adopted this character trait, for the simple reason that nobody goes to great lengths to hide things from those they regard as stupid.

When first the castaways gathered to demonstrate their physical prowess in the first challenge, Hellyse deigned to stand aside and let the foolish mortals scrabble like insects in the dirt, exposing their greed and megalomania as they battled for the right to lose their supremacy to her. To the Succubus' pleasure, her favoured pet Judd won the challenge. In a subtle attempt to cement her legacy for the ages, Hellyse attempted to convince the fat oaf to name the tribe Raba Bhakta, which is an ancient expression comemmorating allegiance to the might and power of the Succubus. Judd proved too dense to fall for such subtleties, and instead named the team Mahtava, which sounds like something one would say after accidentally burning one's tongue with molten lead.

The tribe consisted of several inferior mortals, and a lengthy dissection of their weaknesses will soon follow...

~ Glossary ~

"overarching pseudo-reality" - Something that seems real but isn't. (e.g. "Jenna's rack is an overarching pesudo-reality.")

"overshadowed" - Not as important as. (e.g. "Playing this game nicely is overshadowed making fun of everybody.")

"droll trivialities" - Boring and lame. (e.g. "Redemption Island was the most droll trivialities season in the history of Survivor.")

"trite" - Stupid. (e.g. "Everybody who isn't a Succubus is trite.")

"megalomania" - Desire for power. (e.g. "I've had a real megalomania since the electric company disconnected my utilities.")

"Raba Bhakta" - Means something cool in a foreign language. (e.g. "Man, Raba Bhakta would be such a stylin' tribe name.")

[Kim Powers]

I'm sorry, but I'm having a hard time understanding this all. So much for me to take in lmao.

[Elyse Mmmmemoto]

Hmm. Well, there's no point in being evil if nobody's going to understand how evil I am. If there's any specific phrase you don't really understand, let me know, and I'll explain it and provide a helpful sentence demonstrating its proper usage.

~ The Hellyse Chronicles: A Glossary of Evil ~


Book I; Chapter I

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"Freudian Phallic metaphors" - Dick jokes (e.g. "Robin Williams tells a lot of Freudian Phallic metaphors.")

"cartographers" - People who draw maps. They're full of crap. (e.g. "Yesterday I ran over some cartographers with my motorcycle.")

"Succubus" - I already told you I'm not telling you what this means. Get a dictionary. (e.g. "Hellyse is a Succubus. She's really fuckingawesome.")

"fools" - Everybody who isn't a Succubus. (e.g. "I'm surrounded by fools!")

"Poseidon" - Who Jathoneus wants to be when he grows up. (e.g. "After defeating Poseidon at checkers, Hellyse uses his trident as a back-scratcher.")

"Valkyries" - Viking battlefield janitors. (e.g. "My couch is lined with the skins of 20,000 Valkyries.")

"chasm of ever-increasing lust" - Businessmen are horny. (e.g. "Thanks to Bill Clinton's chasm of ever-increasing lust, we had to see Monica Lewisnky on television fifty thousand times.")

"farcical microcosm of human existence" - A diorama. (e.g. "Jim had to make a farcical microcosm of human existence for the science fair.")

"nubile" - Sex-ready. (e.g. "Everybody is nubile after talking to Hellyse. Even deaf-mutes.")

"jokes" - Pretty much everything in this confessional. (e.g. "Anybody who hates this confessional doesn't understand how jokes work.")

"virtuoso" - Someone who's good at playing something. (e.g. "Hellyse is a Survivor virtuoso.")

Book I; Chapter II

"overarching pseudo-reality" - Something that seems real but isn't. (e.g. "Jenna's rack is an overarching pesudo-reality.")

"overshadowed" - Not as important as. (e.g. "Playing this game nicely is overshadowed making fun of everybody.")

"droll trivialities" - Boring and lame. (e.g. "Redemption Island was the most droll trivialities season in the history of Survivor.")

"trite" - Stupid. (e.g. "Everybody who isn't a Succubus is trite.")

"megalomania" - Desire for power. (e.g. "I've had a real megalomania since the electric company disconnected my utilities.")

"Raba Bhakta" - Means something cool in a foreign language. (e.g. "Man, Raba Bhakta would be such a stylin' tribe name.")

Book II; Chapter I

"peruse" - Look at. (e.g. "Every time I bend over, Judd peruses my ass.")

"chiefly component" - The main part of something. (e.g. "Chiefly component in being a Succubus is enjoying watching other people act like idiots because you're hot.")

"masquerading as" - Pretending to be. (e.g. "When Brandon tried explaining why he's still trustworthy despite having made a final two with Osten, I masqueraded as though I believed him.")

"gender deliniation" - Homosexuality. (e.g. "Some religions believe that gender deliniation is a choice.")

"aphrodisiac" - A substance that makes you really horny. (e.g. "Hellyse is a walking aphrodisiac.")

"malleable" - Easy to bend. (e.g. "Kleenex is malleable.")

Book II; Chapter II

"fervor" - Energy. (e.g. "Drinking coffee sure gives me fervor.")

"haranguing" - Telling a retard that they're a retard. (e.g. "Haranguing Russell Hantz will never work, because he'll still think he's a genius.")

"infidel" - A stupid bastard. (e.g. "Lex may be a bastard, but he's too smart to be called an infidel.")

"consternation" - Annoyance. (e.g. "Being attacked by angry bees while your leg is stuck in a bucket of concrete is quite a consternation.")

Book III

"seppuku" - Japanese ritual suicide by disembowlement, committed by samurai when they dishonored themselves. Really. (e.g. "Haji committed seppuku after discovered that the third line of his haiku contained six syllables instead of five.")

"jaunt" - A whimsical trip or journey. (e.g. "Charlie and Marcus were skipping merrily along the path, when an elephant which had been dropped out of a cargo plane fell and crushed Charlie like a beetle, forcing Marcus to continue the jaunt alone.")

"myriad" - A lot. (e.g. "Hellyse has a myriad of sex.")

"causal chains of events" - Series of things happening one after the other. (e.g. "In a casual chain of events, the maid knocked over a book, the book fell down the stairs and hit Phillip, causing him to think the CIA were after him and run out into traffic.")

"Valhalla" - Where Norse gods hang out. (e.g. "Hellyse has had sex with half of the population of Valhalla.")

"complex potentiality matrices" - Guesses. (e.g. "It took Judd three complex potentiality matrices to figure out which gender Natalie was.")

"quantum" - Big. (e.g. "Cochran is a quantum idiot.")

"dissonance" - Disagreement. (e.g. "After a dissonance about who was supposed to post this week's IC, Lex shot Brett.")

"undercooked wheat toast" - Bread that's really fucking boring. (e.g. "Parvati choked to death on undercooked wheat toast, and nobody noticed.")

Book IV

"conflagrations" - Fights. (e.g. "The Siege of Troy, The War of 1812, and World War I are all conflagrations which men fought to win the love of Hellyse.)

"aeons" - A long time. (e.g. "It will be aeons before I forgive CBS for how bad Redemption Island was.")

"mesmerized" - Frozen by love. (e.g. "Hellyse changed into her bikini, and all of the men were mesmerized.")

"rapturous" - Awesome. (e.g. "Raptors are rapturous.")

"underling" - Weak person. (e.g. "Cochran could not lift the sugar cube, because he was an underling.")

"obliterate" - Destroy. (e.g. "This stupid tribe switch obliterated all of my awesome plans.")

"mammose" - Big-breasted. (e.g. "Everybody wishes they were as mammose as Hellyse. Even the guys.")

"slake" - Satisfy. (e.g. "Ted may be 150-200% satisfied with the wife that he has, but he would be 250-300% slaked with Hellyse.")

"eviscerate" - Tear the guts out of. (e.g. "Every Thanksgiving my uncle Steve has to eviscerate the turkey.")

"astute" - Someone who pays attention. (e.g. "I'm writing this glossary in English class. I'm not very astute.")

"sirens" - Yappy women. (e.g. "Rory bitches about sirens so much that he practically is one.")

"anecdotes" - Stories. (e.g. "This confessional is a bunch of anecdotes about Hellyse.")

"grizzlies" - Bears. They're delicious. (e.g. "How do grizzlies taste? GRRRRRRReat!")

"cantankerous" - Pissy. (e.g. "Most women are cantankerous for four days a month.")

Book V

"pungent" - Smelly. (e.g. "Ted isn't allowed to grind me anymore. He's too pungent.")

"spurious" - False. (e.g. "When he saw Hellyse bathing under the waterfall, Bob's jaw dropped so far that his spurious teeth fell out.")

"dappled" - Umm... good grief. I don't even know how to explain this one. It's making a fancy pattern, kind of like when you look up at the ceiling when you're at a swimming pool and the light is reflected off the water and makes all of these cool shapes and things. (e.g. "Ashley's face was dappled with her own blood when Hellyse mercy-killed her.")

"force-feeding someone their own skull" - It's not physically possible to do this. Unless you're a Succubus. (e.g. "Hellyse force-fed Osten his own skull for trying to molest Parvati instead of her.")

"bamboozled" - Getting fooled. (e.g. "Hellyse wasn't actually bamboozled by the suspicious mound of dirt, but whatever fool found the fake idol she planted sure was.")

"shag" - Have sex with. (e.g. "If you shag a Succubus, you will have the best sex of your life. Then you'll die. But it's totally worth it.")

"ninny" - A bitchy, whiny little thing. (e.g. "John Cochran is a ninny.")

Book VI

"nonplussed" - Unhappy. (e.g. "Jenna was nonplussed when Hellyse strangled her to death.")

"wanton" - Totally unnecessary. (e.g. "Killing innocent castaways is wanton, but Hellyse keeps doing it anyway.")

"portly" - Fat. (e.g. "Ashley has a portly ass.")

"nondescript" - Boring. (e.g. "The Weather Channel is nondescript.")

"troglodyte" - A person who doesn't know much. (e.g. "Everybody is a troglodyte when it comes to Succubi.")]

"Kasparov" - The greatest chess player in the entire world. Telling him to move his bishop would be stupid. (e.g. "Hellyse decided not to have sex with Kasparov, because he compared her thighs to rooks.")

"surpassed" - Was higher than. (e.g. "The roof of the castle surpassed the basement.")

"Forbans" - An anagram of "Robfans," which would be a pimpin' tribe name. (e.g. "Forbans" is an anagram of Robfans. Robfans would be a pimpin' tribe name.")

"tome" - Book. (e.g. "The Hellyse Chronicles - Tome I")

"loath" - Unwilling to. (e.g. "Hellyse is not loath to have sex with anybody. Except Ted.")

"circumvented" - Went around. (e.g. "I circumvented Utah and went to Nevada instead.")

"ersatz" - Fake. (e.g. "Hellyse's rack looks ersatz, but it totally isn't.")

Book VII

"misnomer" - A wrong name. (e.g. "Brandon's last name is a misnomer, because his real last name is "Hantz."")

"eschew" - Avoid. (e.g. "You should always eschew pissing off a Succubus if you know what's best for you.")

"anthropomorphized deific constructs" - Basically it's what would happen if Luck was a person walking around. I legitimately can't explain it any better than that. (e.g. "If you want to know more about anthropomorphized deific constructs, read some books.")

"Kama Sutra" - An illustrated guide to having sex. Really. (e.g. "Ten to one Ted goes and tries to rent the Kama Sutra at the library after reading this.")

"c'est la vie" - A French term that means "such is life." (e.g. "It's a sad thing that all of these people have to die, but c'est la vie.")

"feral" - Animal-like, or wild. (e.g. "Men go feral when Hellyse walks by.")

"vagicide" - Killing all of the women in any given area. (e.g. "If you want to have children, vagicide is probably something to avoid.")

"Xanatos gambit" - A scenario where I win, no matter what happens. (e.g. "This game, as I predicted all along, is a Xanatos gambit.")

Book VIII

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"...REALLY!?" - The phrase Succubi continually find themselves saying, because human stupidity (and the stupidity exhibited by players in this game particularly) knows no bounds. (e.g. "Mikayla decided to offer Christa a F3 with her and Candice and then a five-way with me, Skupin, and Alex on the same day. ...REALLY!?")

"frenetic" - Busy. (e.g. "Hellyse did not answer the phone, because she was frenetic having sex with Alex.")

"Belarusian" - The language they speak in the country of Belarus. (e.g. "I didn't know Belarusian was even a language until I looked it up on the internet.")

"insinuating" - Sneakily claiming. (e.g. "Lex keeps insinuating that Hellyse had sex with him, but everybody knows she didn't.)

"abscond" - Run away. (e.g. "Brett and Lex are probably going to abscond together and get married someday.")

"supple" - For the life of me, I've only ever heard this term used to describe bosoms, and they are always described as supple, so I'm just going to guess that it means firm and pert.* (e.g. "Hellyse's bosom is supple, just like everybody else's.")

"forestallment" - A pause. (e.g. "When having sex, it's a good idea to take a forestallment to catch one's breath. Otherwise, they will probably suffocate. But at least they'll die happy.")

"gonorrhea" - A nasty disease. (e.g. "If Candice were to catch gonorrhea and die, it would be hilarious.")


And there's the glossary updated to present times. Just in time for New Year's!

*and if you don't know what pert means you're crap outta luck.

[Elyse Mmmmemoto]

The glossary has been updated, and Book II will be posted shortly.

As a teaser, it should probably be pointed out that the lion's share of the smiting happening to Mahtava is my own handiwork.

[Elyse Mmmmemoto]

~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~

Book II: Overture

Life on Mahtava proved to be more challenging than the Succubus had assumed it would be. Admittedly, this increase in challenge was about the same as one assuming that they only have to smash one soda cracker with a sledgehammer, and then discovering that in actuality, one has to smash two soda crackers with a sledgehammer. So, emotionally dominating the Mahtavas was still pathetically easy.

Let us peruse the fool's gallery, hmm?

Victim #1

Judd proved the easiest mark out of the entire cast. Chiefly component in his seduction was Hellyse's masquerading as a naive and vulnerable specimen. Her seducation tactics included laughing at a bizarrely inapprorpriate joke involving a naked man and an elephant, and contributing her own joke about Brett, Lex, and Judd going to heaven.* Though he swore fervently to take Hellyse to the final two, it did not escape her notice that he chose Brandon first for the tribe. Such blatant disloyalty surely merited swift and devastating torment in the fires of the prejury lodge, but she chose to let him live for a little while. A short while.

Victim #2

Brandon's morality required a slight deviation from the Succubus' routine seduction, but he nonetheless succumbed to a series of platonic bonding conversations. The Succubus counted this seducation as perhaps her finest moment. The Holy Roller should have been more finely attuned to the presence of an evil being, but her charisma had so thoroughly overwhelmed him that he had unwittingly allied himself to the most morally bankrupt member of the cast. Of course, his commitment to Judd superseded his allegiance to the Succubus, which necessitated his own swift destruction.

Victim #3

Alex's vanity and self-absorption made him the easiest victim in the entire cast. By a wide margin. Though he hadn't yet gotten around to making an official alliance with her, the embers of his lust would requirely only the gentlest of breezes to be fanned into a blazing inferno of passion.

Victim #4

Though the Succubus rarely delved into the realm of lesbianism, Natalie's predisposition towards gender deliniation made her seduction well worth the effort. Her pathetic inability to socialize with other tribemates cemented her bond with Hellyse. Of course, she would have to be treated with care, as before the game Natalie had foolishly admitted to Hellyse that her intention was to be a universally traitorous bitch, so she would have to be disposed of eventually.

Victim #5

Thanks to his reputation as doormat, John was subjected to a pity seduction, consisting of mutual bonding over his home country, The Netherlands. Hellyse had never been (licorce having proved to be a largely ineffectual aphrodisiac), but intended to travel there, if only to tick Holland off of the "Countries I've Seduced Innocents In" list. Should the naif prove malleable enough, the whole jaunt will likely prove unnecessary.

Victim #6

Hellyse is rarely surprised, having experienced more than her fair share of bizarrely erotic depravities, but the revelation that Michael was, in fact, Michelle, proved something of a setback. However, seducing Brandon "Johnson" had been a suitable warmup to practice sexless seduction, and Hellyse was able to charm her way into Michelle's heart by complaining about the many trials that girls run into trying to play these games. (Sample dialogue: "Omg, it's soooo annoying to have people hitting on you all the time." "omg, do guys ask you for your picture all the time, too?") Of course, emotional seduction lacks much of the entertainment value inherent in convincing a guy to fall in love with a complete stranger in a game which is already based entirely on lies, so Skupin will have to be booted sooner or later.

Victim #7

Osten was a case of accidental seduction. Without even trying, Hellyse's beauty caused him to post a spurious claim that the Succubus' avatar did, in fact, depict her reaching out to take hold of his genitalia. Having already completed the job without trying, the Succubus lost interest, and was content to let the deranged fool continue merrily on his suicidal way.

Victim #8

Seducing Parvati is too easy. Hellyse didn't bother.

~ Glossary ~

"peruse" - Look at. (e.g. "Every time I bend over, Judd peruses my ass.")

"chiefly component" - The main part of something. (e.g. "Chiefly component in being a Succubus is enjoying watching other people act like idiots because you're hot.")

"masquerading as" - Pretending to be. (e.g. "When Brandon tried explaining why he's still trustworthy despite having made a final two with Osten, I masqueraded as though I believed him.")

"gender deliniation" - Homosexuality. (e.g. "Some religions believe that gender deliniation is a choice.")

"aphrodisiac" - A substance that makes you really horny. (e.g. "Hellyse is a walking aphrodisiac.")

"malleable" - Easy to bend. (e.g. "Kleenex is malleable.")

[Kim Powers]

Are those listed in any particular order? I noticed the victim numbers above and I didn't know if that was the order you wanted them gone or not.

[Elyse Mmmmemoto]

Chronological order.

If you'd like to see an order based on how much I would like see particular torches snuffed, my bootlist is also a fairly entertaining read.

[Kim Powers]

I'm not sure how I missed that! Very funny stuff Elyse! <3

[Elyse Mmmmemoto]

~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~

Book II; Chapter II

For the second Immunity challenge, the tribes divided themselves into groups of three to compete. According to their complete inability to grasp the concept of sublety, Brandon and Judd teamed up with Hellyse, who then proceeded to completely bulldoze the opposition and achieve the highest score out of the whole cast, utterly dominating the entire challenge. It should be noted that the Succubus does not mention her total obliteration of the challenge in order to brag, but merely to point out the circumstances as empirical proof that her repeated claims of superiority are by no means exaggerated.

Meanwhile, the pathetic and cowardly Osten Taylor began to dig his own grave with incredible fervor, by purposely messing up his group's attempt at the challenge. While Judd and his compatriots began haranguing the retarded monkey child, Hellyse preferred to stay back and avoid the drama, while subtly smiting the karma of her teammates to camouflage the fact that some jealous infidel had obviously taken it upon themselves to attack her own karmaic reputation. Having successfully smited her teammates several times, Hellyse then pronounced that the other tribe had very likely begun to smite them out of simple jealousy, and that she would begin to exalt them repeatedly to keep their pathetic efforts from succeeding. Much to Hellyse's consternation, this subtle attempt to raise her own karma failed, as Osten openly admitted to having smote everybody on the tribe.

Also, the inferior Caluans voted off Christa, which was neither surprising nor interesting, but is only mentioned for historical context.

~ Glossary ~

"fervor" - Energy. (e.g. "Drinking coffee sure gives me fervor.")

"haranguing" - Telling a retard that they're a retard. (e.g. "Haranguing Russell Hantz will never work, because he'll still think he's a genius.")

"infidel" - A stupid bastard. (e.g. "Lex may be a bastard, but he's too smart to be called an infidel.")

"consternation" - Annoyance. (e.g. "Being attacked by angry bees while your leg is stuck in a bucket of concrete is quite a consternation.")

[Elyse Mmmmemoto]

Glossary has been updated once again.

[Elyse Mmmmemoto]

~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~

Book III: Seppuku, Anyone?

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In her lengthy preparations for this little jaunt, The Succubus had prepared herself for a myriad of potential scenarios, and developed several causal chains of events which would ultimately produce benefit from any circumstance that Fate dared to throw at her.

Of course, Fate had never been terribly kind to Hellyse. This was mostly because Fate had once spent a rapturous night partaking of Hellyse's charms at a motel in Valhalla and had subsequently woken up handcuffed to the bed and missing both his clothing and his wallet. So it was that Sausage Island began to experience several bizarre twists of Fate, which none of them could ever have seen coming.

For, you see, all of Hellyse's complex potentiality matrices were founded upon the quantum assumption that the duty of eviscerating her fellow castaways would be one which would necessite her own direct participation. However, it appeared that on a subconscious, instinctual level, the Mahtavans became aware of the inevitability of their impending defeat, and began busily preparing their own suicides, rendering all of the Succubus' machinations entirely unnecessary.

Take, for instance, Judd. The portly tribe captain had already committed the bleach-drinkingly suicidal move of picking Brandon ahead of Hellyse for the tribe, but his inexplicably self-mutilating behaviour reached a new low at the first Mahtava tribal council. For whatever reason, Judd opposed the near-unanimous dislike of Osten's detrimental behaviour and instead pushed for the comatose Parvati to be slain. Inexplicably, rather than making the logical choice of turning to his allies for guidance regarding his dissonance, Judd instead chose to discuss his views with the other tribe. Exactly what Judd sought to gain through such maneuvers was ambiguous at best, as he chose to address Colby, who, although luscious and succulent, had heretofor shown himself to have the personality of undercooked wheat toast.

To the surprise of nobody at all, Colby's first response was to immediately betray Judd's boneheaded duplicity to Michelle Skupin, who immediately began to propagate details of the affair to the rest of the group. While on the surface, this appeared a savvy move, what Skupin evidently failed to comprehend was that such gossip unequivocally betrayed the fact that Skupin was also talking to the other tribe!

However, it was Brandon "Johnson" who perpetrated the round's most inexplicable blunder, lobbying to keep Osten around under the banner of 'tribal unity,' and utterly failing to realize what Hellyse had figured out long ago - that forming an alliance with an obviously-doomed mentally unstable person is the Survivor equivalent of shackling oneself to the anchor of the Titanic. Osten revealed Brandon to be duplicitous and untrustworthy, and the fact that Judd also lobbied to keep Osten around only devalues his credibility further.

Though it may seem on the surface as though the devolution of Mahtava into a "Who Can Commit Suicide First" competition would please the Succubus, it was, in fact, rather cruel on Fate's part. Though the men's inexplicably stupid antics were amusing, they took all of the sport out of it. After all, nobody would go fishing if the fish simply leapt up out of the water and gutted themselves.

Still, Hellyse chose to take an optimistic view of things. The men's insistence on behaving like fools simply meant that she would be able to forestall revealing her villainous nature for a little while longer, thus increasing the potential for future devastation.

~ Glossary ~

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"seppuku" - Japanese ritual suicide by disembowlement, committed by samurai when they dishonored themselves. Really. (e.g. "Haji committed seppuku after discovered that the third line of his haiku contained six syllables instead of five.")

"jaunt" - A whimsical trip or journey. (e.g. "Charlie and Marcus were skipping merrily along the path, when an elephant which had been dropped out of a cargo plane fell and crushed Charlie like a beetle, forcing Marcus to continue the jaunt alone.")

"myriad" - A lot. (e.g. "Hellyse has a myriad of sex.")

"causal chains of events" - Series of things happening one after the other. (e.g. "In a casual chain of events, the maid knocked over a book, the book fell down the stairs and hit Phillip, causing him to think the CIA were after him and run out into traffic.")

"Valhalla" - Where Norse gods hang out. (e.g. "Hellyse has had sex with half of the population of Valhalla.")

"complex potentiality matrices" - Guesses. (e.g. "It took Judd three complex potentiality matrices to figure out which gender Natalie was.")

"quantum" - Big. (e.g. "Cochran is a quantum idiot.")

"dissonance" - Disagreement. (e.g. "After a dissonance about who was supposed to post this week's IC, Lex shot Brett.")

"undercooked wheat toast" - Bread that's really fucking boring. (e.g. "Parvati choked to death on undercooked wheat toast, and nobody noticed.")