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Post by Host Lex on Jan 1, 2012 1:56:40 GMT -5
would it help if I divided up the glossary so that the definitions show up on the same page as the words they're defining? Yes! |
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 1, 2012 6:29:20 GMT -5
I cant answer that question. But I could offer you some REAL sausage if you want a taste?  *winks* Sure thing, Crusher! I haven't partaken of dark meat in quite some time. Tell me, would you prefer to be broiled or braised? |
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 1, 2012 6:30:15 GMT -5
And, your wish is my command. The glossary is now divided up for your pleasure.
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Post by Ole' Rory "The Crusher" on Jan 3, 2012 1:14:42 GMT -5
I cant answer that question. But I could offer you some REAL sausage if you want a taste? *winks* Sure thing, Crusher! I haven't partaken of dark meat in quite some time. Tell me, would you prefer to be broiled or braised? I'd prefer to be sucked rather than broiled thank you very much missy. |
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 4, 2012 7:55:58 GMT -5
Sure thing, Crusher! I haven't partaken of dark meat in quite some time. Tell me, would you prefer to be broiled or braised? I'd prefer to be sucked rather than broiled thank you very much missy. Very well, then. I'll get out my vacuum cleaner. I hope you won't find it too uncomfortable in there, I've sucked up a lot of broken glass and hypodermic needles recently, but hopefully you won't have to deal with any pricks. ...I know we sure won't. |
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 11, 2012 13:39:39 GMT -5
Blurgh. I need to update this. I also need to read a bunch of articles about Shakespeare. Decisions, decisions...
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 18, 2012 3:17:01 GMT -5
The words "I told you so" do not even begin to express the "I told you so"ness of this situation.
In other news, this forum has eaten my latest Chronicle updates TWICE, so either tonight or tomorrow I will try to just truck on through and deliver a massive update, which will take you from the final seven all the way through to the final two.
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 19, 2012 18:39:29 GMT -5
~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~
Book IX: Prescience In Full [/b] When we last left our nubile and nefarious antiheroine, the Kendis Smokca tribe were in grave danger of being infected by the contagion emanating from the syphilitic sucky sycophants Candice and Mikayla. Brandon's untimely demise had come as a significant point of disgust. Hellyse had rather been looking forward to destroying the naive zealot's pitifully stupid idealism, and Mikayla had not only denied Hellyse that pleasure, but, even more annoying, was still alive. Hellyse had rather been looking forward to beheading the insipid little harpy, and having her plans forestalled put her in rather a foul mood. Hellyse glowered in the shadows of the trees, skewering the girls with venomous glances as they coddled Skupin and Alex in a futile attempt to prolong their pitiful lives. It was nauseating. The arrival of treemail did little to improve the Succubus' dour mood, as the remaining seven were herded into the challenge arena and issued pads of paper and pens. They say that the pen is mightier than the sword, and this is certainly true. Swords tend to draw a lot of attention if one, say, walks down Main Street whilst carrying one. Nobody looks twice at someone walking past with a pen, however, so it's very easy to stab a Bic through somebody's eye socket without them noticing a thing until they've already been dead for six seconds. They also fit quite nicely between the ribs, and can do all sorts of lovely things to your internal organs. Hellyse pondered all of this whilst wondering how best to jam her pen into Mikayla's ear canal and make it look like an accident, but her reverie was shattered by an announcement from Lex, that they'd be having a survey challenge. Hellyse was voted the most popular, the most trustworthy, the nicest, and the person with the most friends. While some would construe this as an epicfail in the villiany department, Hellyse chose instead to view this as an empirical affirmation of the subtlety and stealth which she had shrewdly invested into her persona. Mikayla, unsurprisingly, received all of the nasty awards, which just goes to show that just because one plays a hot chick from the South Pacific, that doesn't mean that they possess the unique panache of a Succubus. Tragically, Hellyse lost out to Alex, but she hardly cared, since it wasn't as though she was going to be going anywhere any time soon. Not that Mikayla and Candice didn't try, mind you. Hellyse's old lover Karma showed up to deliver a mighty triumphant bitchslap, and Mikayla was sent to the netherworld to ponder the idiocy of trying to stand against a Succubus. Hellyse had grown rather tired of being assailed by the terminally misguided mortals, much in the same way that one who drives a Camaro grows weary of insects splattered across their windshield. The insects die instantly and inflict no actual damage upon the Camaro, but the presence of their worthless carcasses does tend to sully the view somewhat, and thus it is better to just be rid of them. So, Hellyse decided to win Immunity a few times, which, returning to the Camaro metaphor, was the Survivor equivalent of going through an automated carwash. In an attempt to grandeurize their own trivial pursuits, Skupin and Alex and Christa decided to murder the Succubus' pet John, John. Given that she had relied on John as what would probably be the closest thing a Succubus would approximate to term a "friend," this was rather vexing. Hellyse immediately began preparations to unleash the apocalypse and obliterate the entire human race for such rash stupidity, but begrudgingly ceded that to genocidally purge the whole of humanity would appresent the threefold difficulties that A.) her win would be cheapened by the fact that everybody else would be dead, and B.) there would be nobody to clap for her when she won. Also, C.) humans were fun for having sex with, and killing. Sometimes both. So humanity was spared - for now. Hellyse did nearly restart the countdown on the Armageddon Clock when it came to light that Alex had committed adultery with Christa. After all, there's an old maxim that goes: Screw a Succubus, and you're in Heaven,
Screw with a Succubus, and you're in Hell. [/i] The proverb probably would have worked better if the word "screw" was replaced with a word which rhymed with "Puck," but Hellyse could not be trifled with crude vulgarities. Once Alex and his lover had been dispatched, there remained only two more obstacles, the inevitability of their doom bearing down on them like the ocean's insurmountable tide. And thus the end began... |
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 21, 2012 15:55:14 GMT -5
~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~
Book X: It's The End Of The World As We Know It... And I Feel Fine And then there were three. Skupin, of course, had been so thoroughly seduced that Hellyse could probably have ordered the poor bastard to jump into a campfire, and he would have done so without thinking. Candice, of course, had been thoroughly inculcated with the knowledge that Skupin would destroy her at any moment if Hellyse had not been there to restrain him, and would never dream of betraying the desirous one who had led her down the rosy paths of lesbianism. It came, then, as no surprise to anyone, least of all Hellyse, that when she lost interest in the challenge and let Skupin win it, he practically begged on his knees for the honor of stabbing Candice to death to prove his love for her. Hellyse had actually been rather looking forward to shattering her newfound lover's hopes and dreams, but acquiesced anyway, because he looked so pathetically cute about it. All that remained was trial by souls, in which the not-so-dearly departed spirits of those who had died by Hellyse's hand would attempt to pass judgment on them by manifesting as ghosts to ask questions of them. Barely able to keep the notes of disdain from her speech, Hellyse answered to the best of her ability, smirking in the knowledge that there was no possible way that she would ever lose. Her victory had been foretold aeons ago, and questioning it was like questioning gravity or taxes. Questioning over, Hellyse and Skupin sat alone, waiting for the results of the souls' judgement. Hellyse licked her lips, awaiting the taste of Skupin's flesh. She longed to plunge her fangs into the unsuspecting man's jugular, and drain his lifeblood down to the last drop, but she forced herself to remain patient. The time would come, soon enough... |
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 21, 2012 16:01:49 GMT -5
~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~
Book XI: And Now For Something Slightly Different[/center] Whilst I was cruising the internet today, I happened to find the following site: The Evil Guide Plan is a wonderful site, which analyzes the motivation and goals of aspiring evildoers, and provides a comprehensive step-by-step guide to achieving evil goals. Hellyse's results are as follows: Your objective is simple: soul accumulation. Your motive is a little bit more complex: sadistic pleasure Stage OneTo begin your plan, you must first seduce a chosen one. This will cause the world to whisper among themselves, amazed by your arrival. Who is this Demon Straight Out of Hell? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good wearing the skin of another human? Stage TwoNext, you must seize control of the internet. This will all be done from a abandoned church, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will die in a way you just don't want to think about, as countless hordes of cultists hasten to do your every bidding. Stage ThreeFinally, you must send forth your horsemen of the apocalypse, bringing about an Unending Cacaphony of Screams. Your name shall become synonymous with the Spice Girls, and no man will ever again dare refuse to be your prom date. Everyone will bow before your Dashing Good Looks, and the world will have no choice but to fall madly in love with you. ...so there you have it. I'd say things are running right on schedule. |
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 23, 2012 20:58:08 GMT -5
~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~
Book XII: Called It. To the surprise of nobody at all, except possibly Ted, Hellyse was crowned the winner, 6-3. This just goes to show that Succubi are really fuckingawesome, and anybody who doubts them is an idiot. Having triumphed, just as everybody knew she always would, the Succubus packed her million into a suitcase, and snuck off into the netherworlds, preparing for her next great charade... The End. |
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Post by Elyse Mmmmemoto on Jan 23, 2012 21:01:48 GMT -5
~ The Hellyse Chronicles ~
Book XIII: About the Author Hellyse Umemoto was spawned in the darkest pits of the netherworld several millennia ago. After an injury forced her to abandon her football scholarship, Hellyse began pursuing a career in erotic homicide. The Hellyse Chronicles is her first novel. Umemoto currently resides in Hell, Michigan, with her pet cat. Her hobbies include sadism, torture, and knitting. |
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Post by Alex "Graham Cracker" Bell on Jan 23, 2012 21:55:25 GMT -5
...wow
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Post by Candice Woodcock on Jan 23, 2012 22:18:36 GMT -5
CANDICE SUCKS? Our tribe name is "translation" of CANDICE SUCKS?
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Post by Judd Sergeant on Jan 23, 2012 23:21:01 GMT -5
I was annoyed after 1 confessional post...obviously you were too dense to realize I didn't really give a crap about your jokes or you...I just did the same thing back to you you were hoping to do to me by simply talking to someone else, then when you post your joke post "HAHAHAHAHAHA"...
And the minute I talked to Brandon I thought of us as 3, but when Brandon did better than you in the challenge, why wouldn't I pick him first especially if I'm trying to keep people from knowing alliances? =P
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